A True Puppet Regime

September 14, 2011

A few days ago when I was pondering Cheerios, I considered that the cereal would be ideal for serving at state functions while entertaining foreign dignitaries.

Alas, as I cannot gut a moose, I fear that I have no possible route to high office where I could enact this bold idea.

But I think I’d make a fine head of state and I suppose that I could overthrow a current leader and install a puppet regime.

Like moose-gutting, leading a coup d’état is not in my skill set. Yet I have an innovative twist that I would introduce to shake up this tired endeavor.

My puppet regime would consist of puppets.


I’m not sure if I’m ready for the responsibility of having my own puppet regime and I can imagine that it won’t be all seashells and balloons, but it’s time I grew up a bit.

(I’m also going to have to put a puppeteer on my payroll)

Central to making this venture work is choosing the country, one whose population is amenable to having their present government ousted. I don’t drive an SUV and my family has no ties to the petroleum industries, so oil is not a prerequisite for consideration.

I’d prefer beaches and tropical climates, so I can cross off countries like… Iraq or Afghanistan. Besides, they’ve already been spoken for and the upkeep seems to be a bit much.

I do like the idea of press conferences with throngs of reporters jockeying for answers from wooden figures being beamed globally on CNN and Al-Jazeera. I suppose we already have that now, but not with actual puppets!

And imagine if my marionette myopia starts taunting other countries?

Consider the hilarity as the leaders of Iran, Israel, North Korea, or the US go cowboy loco, puffing out their chests, and reacting with threats over statements issued by a non-living figurehead with a hand up its butt.

Just when you thought global politics couldn’t get more ridiculous, think of hearing Wolf Blitzer bloviate, “The American president noted in a speech today that ‘puppets make good kindling,’ a not so subtle message to Micronesian President Chewbacca.

This was in response to Chewbacca bellowing in an interview on foreign television and, though his Wookie wail was unintelligible, it was deemed provocative by …”

Here are four random songs from the iPod…

The Candyskins – Everything Just Falls Apart On Me
from Fun?

There are plenty of surprises within the vast digital expanses of the iPod, things that I am wholly unaware that I have, but, somewhere along the way I’ve deemed necessary to keep. I had to look up the details on The Candyskins as I couldn’t remember anything about them.

Considered one of the seminal bands of the Brit Pop era-pop, The Candyskins featured brothers Nick and Mark Cope and hailed from the same Oxford scene which produced Radiohead and Supergrass.

The band has much more more in common with the latter and Everything Just Falls Apart On Me is engaging, jangly power pop with a ’90s slacker vibe in its take on love.

Wheatus – Sunshine
from Wheatus

I certainly remembered Wheatus for the catchy Teenage Dirtbag from their 2000 self-titled debut. I might have to pull up the entire album and get reacquainted as Sunshine has the same bratty and endearing charm as that song.

(it also has banjo)

Leon Russell – Beware Of Darkness
from Leon Russell & The Shelter People

Leon Russell’s version of George Harrison’s Beware Of Darkness is something relatively new to the iPod thanks to whiteray over at Echoes In The Wind. He had written about the song and I mentioned that I was only familiar with Concrete Blonde’s version from the late ’80s.

So, he was gracious enough to turn me on to Russell’s take on the song which is a trippy, stutter-step of a song. It’s off-kilter, frenetic, and the vocals give me a sense of dread.

(and I quite dig it)

Neneh Cherry – Buffalo Stance
from Raw Like Sushi

Neneh Cherry was a critical and commercial sensation when Raw Like Sushi arrived in 1989. At the time, it was an unconventional brew of R&B, rap, pop, and dance music that seemed to announce the arrival of a star.

Cherry was a star for awhile as the sassy Buffalo Stance – which sampled Malcolm McLaren’s Buffalo Girls – reached the Top Ten in the US and all over the world. She never captured that lightning in a bottle again, though, and I don’t believe she’s released a new album since the mid-90s.