Trudging out early this past weekend, I dressed for the morning chill, throwing on comfortable, worn jeans, a heavy, dark blue sweater (which I’m told is actually grey), well broken-in combat boots, and my Belgian army coat.
I didn’t wear a tie, mainly because I don’t own one and the concept puzzles me.
Paloma, who once worked in a fairly posh department store, was pointing out ties on a television program the other day. She wanted me to guess their costs and, each time, my reply was reminiscent of Dustin Hoffman as Rain Man.
“About a hundred dollars.”
To my surprise, I wasn’t far off.
One hundred dollars? For a tie? I could be a land baron in South America for one hundred dollars.
(are other countries still accepting U.S. currency?)
I asked Paloma the purpose that ties serve and was informed that they offer men a way to accessorize.
So, I’m going to choke myself with this cloth noose so that I might have something to bring out the color of my shirt? Who was the sadistic bastard that believed this was a necessity?
If there truly was a need for men to accessorize, why not nail polish? It’s far simpler and non-constrictive.
And colors – I’m not colorblind (I took the test), but Paloma reminds me that the sweater which I mentioned earlier (and have owned for years) is, in fact, not dark blue, but grey.
(if I squint, I see her point)
Of course, it’s probably not grey but slate or something. I suggested to her that colors should have names that are more informative to the average person (or at least entertaining).
What’s a taupe? Is it some kind of fish that is found only near some reef off the coast of Micronesia?
(and are Micronesians really small?)
However, she didn’t seem to think that the color names I suggested were marketable.
I don’t know. I think Pond Scum, Cocoa Puff, Hypothermia, and Open Wound have a certain descriptive quality that taupe lacks.
As for my Belgian Army coat – why do they even have an army?
I’ve never been to Belgium, but I imagine the Belgians to be polite, civilized folks who never squabble (like Flemish-speaking Canadians). Maybe it is to protect the waffles.
I do love waffles, so, perhaps I should enlist. I have one of the coats (it’s green, I think) and I probably wouldn’t have to wear a tie.
Here are four colorful songs…
Aimee Mann – Red Vines
from Bachelor No. 2, or the last remains of the dodo (2000)
Though I loved Voices Carry, ‘Til Tuesday’s Top Ten title hit from their 1985 debut album, I truly came to embrace the band on their next record, Welcome Home. By 1988, the band was essentially down to lead singer Aimee Man on the brilliant swanson Everything’s Different Now.
The group had lost most of their audience, but I eagerly awaited Mann’s solo career which arrived in 1993 with Whatever and was a devoted fan up through Lost In Space almost a decade later.
(I simply never took the time to check out the last few albums)
But the forty or so tracks I own almost always blow me away when one of them shuffles up. Hearing the gorgeous, wistful, melancholic Red Vines is likely going to send me on a ‘Til Tuesday/Aimee Mann listening bender.
The Beatles – Yellow Submarine
from Revolver (1966)
The Beatles are very, very good.
I’ve come to believe that their existence might be proof of the divine in the universe and that it’s possible that no entity in the history of mankind has brought more joy and happiness to more people than The Beatles.
Tarnation – An Awful Shade Of Blue
from Mirador (1997)
Somehow, with no effort, I came to own a pair of the three albums that the San Francisco, alt-country band Tarnation released. No doubt I snagged them as promos, liked them enough to file away, and promptly forgot about them.
After listening to An Awful Shade Of Blue, I need to revisit them as the song wowed me.
The group issued one album through 4AD and, if you were listening to college radio in the ’80s, you had an idea what to expect when you heard an act signed to the label. An Awful Shade Of Blue features the ethereal vocals of Paula Frazer and a twangy sound that would be ideal for a spaghetti Western.
Hole – Violet
from Live Through This (1994)
I had no interest in Hole in 1994. The sheer drama of Courtney Love exhausted me to the point of disinterest.
But I loved the band’s chainsaw-guitar cover of Fleetwood Mac’s Gold Dust Woman and, then, Hole released Celebrity Skin, their belated, 1998 follow-up to Live Through This, and I was won over.
The album – what I imagine ’70s Cheap Trick might have sounded like had they been a ’90s alternative rock band fronted by a feral frontwoman – is still one of my favorites from the decade.
Celebrity Skin prompted me to give Live Through This a more openminded listen and, though I still prefer the follow-up, the bracing Violet is a corker of a tune.