I Don’t Understand Fashion (And I’m A Bit Confused By Colors)

October 7, 2008

We had our first true hint that autumn is here the other morning. Needing to trudge out quite early, I dressed for the change in season, throwing on comfortable, worn jeans, a heavy, dark blue sweater (which I’m told is actually grey), well broken-in combat boots, and my Belgian army coat. I didn’t wear a tie, mainly because I don’t own one and the concept puzzles me.

Paloma, who once worked in a fairly posh department store, was pointing out ties on a television program the other day. She wanted me to guess their costs and, each time, my reply was reminiscent of Dustin Hoffman as Rain Man.

“About a hundred dollars.”

To my surprise, I wasn’t far off. One hundred dollars? For a tie? I could be a land baron in South America for one hundred dollars (are other countries still accepting U.S. currency?).

I asked Paloma the purpose that ties serve and was informed that they offer men a way to accessorize. So, I’m going to choke myself with this cloth noose so that I might have something to bring out the color of my shirt? Who was the sadistic bastard that believed this was a necessity?

If there truly was a need for men to accessorize, why not nail polish? It’s far simpler and non-constrictive.

And colors – I’m not colorblind (I took the test), but Paloma reminds me that the sweater which I mentioned earlier (and have owned for years) is, in fact, not dark blue, but grey. If I squint, I see her point.

Of course, it’s probably not grey but slate or something. I suggested to her that colors should have names that are more informative to the average person (or at least entertaining).

What’s a taupe? Is it some kind of fish that is found only near some reef off the coast of Micronesia? (and are Micronesians really small?)

However, she didn’t seem to think that the color names I suggested were marketable. I don’t know. I think Pond Scum, Cocoa Puff, Hypothermia, and Open Wound have a certain descriptive quality that taupe lacks.

As for my Belgian Army coat – why do they even have an army? I’ve never been to Belgium, but I imagine the Belgians to be polite, civilized folks who never squabble (like Flemish-speaking Canadians). Maybe it is to protect the waffles. I do love waffles, so, perhaps I should enlist. I have one of the coats (it’s green, I think) and I probably wouldn’t have to wear a tie.

David Bowie – Fashion

The Kinks – Dedicated Follower Of Fashion

Dave Stewart & The Spiritual Cowboys – Fashion Bomb

Suede – She’s In Fashion

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